Birthday thoughts

Being as it's my birthday, I thought I would post something here to mark the occasion. First of all, I am blessed to have wonderful people in my life, and you know who you are. I received more than my share of gifts today as well as many warm wishes on Facebook and via text message. Second, I am grateful to have lived this long, albeit I have my age-related problems, not the least of which is Parkinson's Disease. The latter is progressing but slowly so I am thankful for that.

This particular age hit me kind of hard as it is on the downward slope between 65 toward 70. If that doesn't make sense, let me say it like this: I am closer to 70 than to 65 now (making me 68).

I don't feel 68. Mentally, I feel the same as I did in my young adulthood, just with a few more scars and maybe a little more wisdom. And I outlived Jack Kerouac by a good number of years (and counting). There's your connection to Kerouac.

December is a sparse month for Kerouac-related birth and death dates, and there hasn't been one yet (that I track at least). The first one to hit will be Denise Levertov on the 20th. There are only 3 the whole month.

Which leaves me to wonder whether I have anything else to say about Kerouac this month. Maybe I will mount a Christmas-related posting later in the month.

My shopping is nowhere near done, and my birthday always kicks me into full shopping mode. I use Amazon too much, but the convenience outweighs any anti-corporate animosity I feel. Tension between competing values is a fact of life.

Which brings me to the state of the world. Ever the pessimist, I intentionally started this post with things I am grateful for. But I can't leave two things unsaid. We as a country are in big trouble domestically and in foreign affairs. I see no good outcome of our 2024 election nor in the Middle East snafu. I won't opine more on those two things except to say character matters in our leaders and that we ought to be able -- as thinking creatures -- to find ways to get along without killing each other,

Finally, there are many families and friends grieving over lost loved ones -- either from war or the stupid gun crazy culture in this country (e,g,, Lewiston, Maine with a body count of 18 in basically one incident). I'm desperately sad over such things and wish there were something I could do to change the situation.

Which brings me to a book I am reading (a gift from my friend, Jim Perkins). It is by famous physicist (he worked on the Manhattan Project and won a Nobel prize) Richard Feynman's autobiography, "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman": Adventures of a Curious Character (1985, W.W. Norton & Co.) Two passages struck me in particular as related to my despair over the state of the world.

And [John] Von Neumann gave me an interesting idea: that you don't have to be responsible for the world that you're in. So I have developed a very powerful sense of social irresponsibility as a result of Von Newmann's advice. It's made me a very happy man ever since. (p. 154)

You  have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing. (p. 199)

Now spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti would disagree with Dr. Feynman, saying that we are indeed responsible for war and such because we are in conflict within ourselves and it manifests outwardly.

So I am left to ponder what it means to be socially irresponsible and at the same time maintaining some level of empathy for others in this wonderfully fucked up world we find ourselves living in.

Birthdays cause me to think about such things. I hope yours do as well.

Until next time . . . . Rick